Bed death: inevitable or curable?

Sex in the long-term relationships is often associated with things such as routine and waning desires that are considered somewhat inevitable in a stable couple. Bed death has become the issue of the recent years since the same-sex relationships became an openly discussed question.

What is a bed death?

Bed death is related to a decrease in sex life that is mainly observed in long-term relationships. It is believed that this phenomenon is particular and is characteristic for lesbian relationships. Of course, the problem of bed death which is specific for lesbians can be well argued but one fact remains the same: many couples: straight, gay or lesbian face the problem when they have rare or no sexual activity at all.

Interesting fact

The idea that bed death is a specific problem for lesbian couples only was spread in one of the researches conducted in 1983 and later was published in a well-known book American Couples by Phillip Blumstein and Pepper Schwarz. In their concept they supposed that the problem of sexual desire decline was reported particularly in lesbian couples in comparison with the straight partners and even gay couples.

But numerous researches proved that bed death is not some kind of "lesbian problem", it's more like a common difficulty in stable relationships when the couple goes through the certain crisis with the shifts in sexual activity towards its decline.

In fact, the latest study showed that lesbians are more satisfied in their intimate life than women in heterosexual couples.

Were does bed death comes from?

When you face the problem of bed death, a lot of reasons may seem to cause passion to turn off. You may hear that it is natural to have a bed death due to specifics of lesbian relationships that are rarely legalized and thus don't tie up you for a long while, or that lack of children make these relationships die. But you should know that as any relationship is individual so could be the reasons of bed death. And first thing to do is to look closer to your relationships and to talk your problems out.

First steps to fight bed death

Talk out your problems

You both may sense that what is going on between two of you is quite clear and you need no words. The crisis you are going through may become even more complex if you try to hide those feelings and thus let the distance grow. And don't be afraid to give rise to a controversy. Remember that truth is sprout in discussion. She may or may not be aware of your feelings and this is a good way to let heart-heaviness out.

Work on your relationships

When you know you are serious about your relationships try not to run away from the first sign of boredom or crisis you are going to face. Relationships develop and thus changes are inevitable. Bed death is not the end of a relationships, it's a crisis you need to overcome if you want to. You should remember that saving the relationships doesn't equals to accepting the abuse. Thus staying in a relationship that is absolutely unsatisfying is definitely not the way-out.

Take some time

Don't make both of you feel as though suffocating in a relationship. Even if you feel you can't leave without each other, there should be still some space for privacy. Of course, you shouldn't keep dark, but often the time given for personal needs is an absolutely necessary thing. True affinity shouldn't necessarily come from being 24 hours together, and often time given to each other is a fresh air in old and routine relationships.

Keep realistic

The first stage of any relationship resembles an amazing fairy-tale; while later on both partners have to face the positive side of their partner's personality along with the negative ones. Some people may fear it as an end of their relationships when in fact it is a stage when relationship grows into a more realistic one. Sexual activity slows down but that doesn't mean the attraction has gone, it's simply natural to have a more realistic view and to get familiar with the drawbacks too.

Get a professional help

Negative feelings have a tendency to gather like a snowball and thus unsolved problems become more and more complicated. If you feel you cannot deal with them alone, there is no need to pretend everything is just fine. Couples therapy may help you to realize the core of the bed death better.

And finally, we all know that being a lesbian and having lesbian relationships can be a great pressure and fighting with the world to prove you are just normal or your lifestyle is no big different from any other can be quite difficult. Thus having problems within the relationships is not a sign of your "abnormality", it's just an obstacle you are able to overcome.