LESBIANS AREA

Mother of the Brides

When Dallasite Gretchen Hamm's lesbian daughter Kathryn and her partner Amy got married in September of 1999, the proud mother of the bride (or one of the brides) decided that she would handle the occasion in the same way she would if her daughter were marrying a man. Since the wedding took place in the Washington, D.C. area where the couple lives, Gretchen and her husband sent out announcements to all of their Dallas friends after the wedding and even invited them all to a reception in Dallas to celebrate the nuptials.

"We're just a pretty traditional family, but my daughter was getting married, and I wanted to honor that, so I had what I called my 'Commitment to Normalcy,'" Hamm says. "My standard was to continually ask myself, 'If she were marrying a man, what would I be doing?"'

When she went to several Oak Lawn gift shops in search of a same-sex wedding album, she was shocked to find that there was no such thing. "I wanted one of those wedding albums where you fill in the family tree and that kind of thing, and I thought sure that a same-sex version would be on the market," she says. "I realized then that there just aren't products out there for same-sex weddings." Soon thereafter, at her daughter's bridal shower in D.C., she was telling her story about not being able to find the wedding album when one of her daughter's friends piped up and said, "Well, why don't you start TwoBrides.com?"

"You know what?" Hamm replied. "I'm going to!"
Seven months later, Hamm had set up two Web sites - TwoBrides.com and TwoGrooms.com, which offer an array of same-sex wedding items. From books about how to plan a gay wedding to lavender-tinted champagne toasting flutes, Hamm says she can find just about anything anyone would ever need for a same-sex wedding.

"I can get invitations, ring pillows, albums, guest books, candles... "she says.
She has designed four different wedding certificates which can be custom printed to include information about the couple and their wedding. Each certificate is $75, plus $35 if you want it framed.

"Two of them have hand-painted gold rings on top, and another one has some wedding vows, which are actually the vows that my daughter and daughter-in-law wrote, and they are just beautiful" she says. 'The fourth one is a civil union proclamation that says it's a 'legal and binding union,' so that's been real popular with couples in Vermont."

She also has fun items like baseball caps that both say "Bride" or "Groom."

"For the bride's baseball caps, I have detachable veils, which are kind of fun," she says. "My daughters had a whole weekend of activities around their wedding, so we had a croquet tournament arid a bike ride, and they wore their caps with their veils streaming out behind them."

Other items include picture frames with six pairs of grooms across the top, as well as silver-plated napkin rings with bride and bride' or 'groom and groom' engraved on them.

One of Hamm's most popular products is called "Same-soap Marriage," which is two plastic brides or grooms encased in a cake of glycerin soap.

"I've met some gay male couples who have been together for years but are still reluctant to officially commit, so I tease them that when the soap gets down to the little plastic grooms, it's time to get married," she says with a laugh.

Eventually Hamm hopes to offer consulting services for couples looking for someone to help them plan their weddings. "That's part of my long-term plan," she says, adding that she is available if any Dallas couples want to hire her. And if your folks are less than thrilled about your nuptials. Hamm will he happy to try to help them understand, free of charge.

"I will talk to anybody's parents if they're on the fence or don't know how to deal with I,' says Hamm, who not surprisingly is a member of PFLAG. "I will gladly call them, I would like to set up a network of surrogate parents (or couples who are totally estranged from their families. Obviously, they'd have to get to know the couple prior to the ceremony for it to be effective,"

Hamm says her Web site has already attracted a lot of attention. She has been written about in a number of publications and recently placed advertisements in several national gay and lesbian magazines. She has also set up a booth at a number of pride festivals around the country.

"My 'Commitment to Normalcy' just means that I don't think a same-sex marriage should be any different,' she says. "I don't think a gay wedding should have to look like a straight wedding, but whatever it is, it should be considered normal. This is what I think people have trouble with. They just don't understand. But just because you don't understand doesn't mean you can't embrace it."

By Bradley David, Features Writer, Dallas Voice.