Coming out Tips

Many of us have been sure that its necessary to cover our homosexuality and lead a double life. Societys homophobia made us to deceive our friends and close people. We have lived in fear of losing our places of work, our rights, our beloved persons, we even have been afraid to lose our lives. Coming out is the only way to make our existence more full-fledged and harmonious. Its a serious experience for those, who want to live openly. Of course we risk to be excluded from society, but its our choice.

Coming out of course wont solve all the problems. Moreover, it will add more difficulties.

No matter how the person has come out and whether he or shed done it in whole or in part. Coming out always gives relief and raises ones self esteem. This fact is proved by many gay and lesbian interviews and different surveys.

Here are some tips how to come out to parents, close people and heterosexual friends

When coming out to naturals you should be ready to face different reactions. In some cases everything will pass easily and without misunderstandings. Unfortunately, in other cases you can cut yourself loose from your family and friends. When giving this advice we took in consideration gay and lesbian previous experiences, experience of their parents, friends.

To come out to heterosexuals you should:

1. Be sure in you sexual identification and your understanding of being a lesbian. If you still feel guilty because of your sexual orientation or you are depressed, try to overcome it before coming out. If you feel comfortable about it and self-confident, naturals will feel it. Your confidence will help them to take you in your new aspect.

2. The time for coming out should be chosen in advance. You should analyze state of health, mood and importance of those people to whom you are going to reveal you secret. Their problems can affect their reaction on your coming out. If there are some problems in relationship with your parents, they hardly will be ready for fair talk with you.
In fact, proper chosen time is a half of the matter.

3. Never come out while quarreling! Never use it as a weapon! And never blame your parents for your homosexuality! They really are not guilty!

4. You should expect your parents to sicken and be distressed with this news. Dont react aggressively and angry on this. Let them be sincere and show you their true attitude. It can be only the first reaction. Remember that the first emotional outburst is usually short-lived. There were cases when those who demonstrated their negative attitude to gays and lesbians turned out to be more tolerant than those who claimed in public their so-called tolerance.

5. You should emphasize that you have remained the same. You were a lesbian before coming out and you wont change in future. If they loved and respected you in past, they will do this in future as well.

6. After coming out you should communicate with people as you did before, even if their reaction was negative. Try to answer all the questions they give. You should understand that they have to revise their views on sexual orientation. Their previous views were thrust by society and culture.

7. You should be well informed about homosexuality. Read several good books on this subject and offer them to those people you are going to come out to.

8. It might require much time until people recognize and understand you. Thats why you should give time to the naturals in order to apprehend and assimilate the information. Dont expect them to take you in no time. Be ready to have long serious dialog.

9. If the person has turned you down you shouldnt loose your self-respect. Remember, that you have offered him or her an opportunity to become closer to you, but he or she has refused your sincerity. You should think over whether the relationship with such a person is worth being continued. Can relationships last a long period of time if these imply insincerity and omission?
Was this person a real friend of yours, or you have invented him? Remember that parting with your friend or girl-friend doesnt mean that the end of the world is coming. The decision of coming out should be well-considered, but self-respect and personal prestige are very important for your future life.

10. The decision of coming out should be your own decision! Dont follow those, who consider that every homosexual must come out by all means. You should decide by yourself when, how and to whom youd like to open your homosexuality. Nowadays, the decision of coming out in public can be not the best solution.

11. If you have told your story to your parents you can acquaint them with other parents who have already recognized their childs sexual orientation. You can also find out if there are any local organizations or communities that help homosexuals.

Coming out is one of the most difficult steps in your life. It often leads to problems, but its the very step towards your freedom!